‘STUPID’LY YOURS

“

 “Ma’am, here’s your coffee.”

 

Thanks. Espresso?

 

“Yes Ma’am and here are the project files you have to submit by midnight today.”

 

Ughhhh…………..

Fine … I’ll do it……

 

 

Yeah. It pretty much sucks.  Adulting sucks. Growing up sucks. Being almost 30 sucks. And everything that lies ahead. Not as much as whining for that stupid smartphone 14 Years ago, huh, but definitely more.

But, let me tell you Kimaya.  It sucks, but it’s beautiful.

 

Just let me finish that goddamn coffee first.

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Yeah, so… where was I?

 

 

You remember that one time when you and Dad had an enormous fight over not letting you go to a sleepover at your friend’s and how you were too young for that and how you locked yourself, and let’s not forget how you laid awake that night crying your eyes out for how your life sucks and how dumb you were to do that? (Huh. too much of a long sentence……)

 

Keep it up yaaar! No seriously!

It needs real guts to start blaming and cussing your own life at this age, when you actually know not even a smidge about it.

 

Ugh, kids.

 

Here’s a little something for ya. Well, an uncomfortable truth, you may say-

The universe doesn’t care.

You read it right.

You failed a subject or two, it doesn’t care. Your friends ditched you, it doesn’t care. Your dog died, and it doesn’t.  You slip off from a cliff and it still doesn’t. You die, stink and rot in some corner of the world and well, you know the answer. (If you don’t, don’t worry, still it won’t care.)

 

Who cares?

YOU care. YOU still find meaning in things and that’s why you’re still alive, wanting to (I don’t know why) live in this stupid world. YOU still find meaning and happiness in a few things and misery in some repercussions.

YOU care, even if you are subconsciously aware of the fact that on a cosmic scale you are petty, you’re insignificant, you’re a grave mistake of the universe, (the stupid big bang, to be precise), but you still desperately convince yourself, that because YOU care, it might have a great importance on the cosmic level too.

Oh no no, I don’t want to be buzz kill for my own (14 yrs ago) self, but who cares!?

But, still, no pressure.

 

We are so constantly in need of attaching meaning to everything in our life, that our brains have unnecessarily become very analytical. We always want either positive or negative effects on ourselves of some stupid situations out there, which actually aren't required to affect us. We can actually, never, ‘not care’ about few things, unfortunately.

Can we?

 

X happens, and then Y happens. Then we assume X caused Y.

Then, out of nowhere, Z happens, and then we get all bummed out and feel awful about our own life, and assume Z sucks, we suck, our life sucks.

 

To be unflinchingly honest with you, most of the meanings that our brain draws out of some neutral situations are always unpleasant, and that’s exactly what seizes our sleep at nights and leaves us so bloody pensive that we finally end up blaming ourselves for everything wrong around the world. (Ugh I should really stop writing lengthy sentences. But who cares!?)

 

 

 

“Ma’am, sir is calling you in his office right away”

 

Yes, I’ll umm…….wait, I’m a lil busy, but will go ASAP.

 

“Uhh…ohkay Ma’am, fine.” 

 

 

Yeah, so…

 

It doesn’t matter, Kimaya. All those stupid sleepless nights you spent thinking about why mom and dad aren’t buying you that stupid phone, it doesn’t count today! Because actually, it never mattered in the long run, while you were unaware of THIS fact, and as I said, the universe doesn’t give a damn to all this, it has a great deal of work to do. It isn’t jobless like you. 

So stop giving a damn to useless things, seriously.

OH REALLY?

 

“She called me a bitch. HOW DARE SHE!”

“God, these pizza delivery guys stink at their jobs…….”

“He has been posting such cheesy pics since last month, he seriously needs to buy some brains, I tell you.”

“She literally just read my messages, didn’t even reply. What a bitch”

Recalled anything?

 

Yeah don’t grin now.

 

So now can I say, stop giving a damn to useless things?

 

Now all those times when you did give a damn and literally wasted your life, will rain down all at once, like a fiery hailstorm of flashbacks. Wake me up when it’s over. (Might take too much time right?)

.

.

.

Oh, you’re done?  Already?

 

 

So these were your ‘life problems’, seriously? So you wasted your teenage on these frivolous worries, didn’t ya?

Your ‘life issues’ are just side effects of not having something more important to worry about.  So, live the present!

Look at those issues first, before surrendering to them. Look, with eyes wide open, at what you’re giving a damn to, before letting it pile up and rust in your mind.

Let things go. 

Would anyone care after 10 years, about when your friends ditched you and partied hard at that stupid café? No!

About when your archenemy called you a betrayer and you got heavily offended and thought everything’s over, you’re in an existential crisis and no one loves you and you’re all alone in this entire world?

I don’t even want to answer that a stupid question.

Think for the long run! Whatever you’re busy worrying about today, it’s mostly not even gonna matter ahead. So stop worrying, stop wasting your time on stupid things.

Don’t give a damn.

 

What’s that now, huh?

 

You have a big scar on your face. You’re fat, or you’re skinny. You have a crooked smile. Your voice seems to be different. Your classmates tortured you for that. But it’s okay!

 

You’re an introvert or an extrovert. Your past is terrifying; your present might be creepier. Your future goals are different. You’re rich or poor. You were teased horribly for that, you were the roots for many epic jokes among your friends. It’s okay!

 

You want a normal, orthodox life, but you convince yourself to not dream about it just coz you’ll lag behind the rest. You don’t have a well-thought out plan for your life, your career choice isn’t fixed yet and you’re clueless, so you make things up and lie to your relatives.

And no doubt, it’s still okay.

 You might stink at academics, but ace it at football. You might stink at expressing yourself, but you write wonders. You might stink at letting things go for yourself, but you heal others’ pain like magic.

Don’t give a damn. Be yourself, love yourself. Flaws aren’t bad. Basically, they aren’t flaws, tbh. They’re what actually make you beautiful, make you different, make you shine bright from the rest.

 

 

Not giving a damn does not mean being insensitive to things and being indifferent. It means being comfortable, with being different. Have the willingness to be different, an outcast, for the sake of your own values. Accept yourself. Give yourself some time before resuming to run wild in this race of life with your peers, towards a hazy fog of absolutely nothing. Cut yourself some slack. It’s okay for things to suck sometimes. It sounds intellectually lazy, but it isn’t.   Basically, you’re gonna die someday man. Lol. so live your life!

It sucks, but it’s beautiful. Really.

 

 

 

“Ma’am, please hurry up and visit sir’s cabin”

Oh yes…….ughhhhhhh……….wait Kimaya, I’ll be right back.

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God. These guys aren't giving me a pay check this month. Awesome.

 

 

Well, I’m afraid I have much time for you, so go chill out, have fun, laugh, love, till I go rub my nose on my (almost bald) boss’s feet.

As I said, it sucks, but it’s beautiful. Not my boss’s shoes you fool, life.

Fine, I’ll catch up with you later. 

 

‘Stupid’ly yours,

A stupid 30yr old yourself.

                                                                                                                                            ”

-A stupid letter to my own self from me, for me.

 

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It sucks, but it’s beautiful, she says.

What’s beautiful?

 

Stay tuned.